When one of you is
not sure anymore.
One of you has been thinking about leaving. The other wants to work on it. You have had the conversation more than once and it has stopped going anywhere new.
This is one of the most common situations couples come in with, and there is a specific process for it. The goal is not to talk anyone into staying or into leaving — it is to get clear enough to decide with some confidence.
Book a Free ConsultationTwo people wanting
different things.
Couples therapy assumes you both want to work on the relationship. When that is not true, therapy tends to stall — one of you is being asked to invest in something they are not sure they want, and the other is waiting to find out.
One partner has been quietly considering leaving, possibly for a long time
The other is doing everything possible to hold it together and running out of ways to ask
Therapy has been suggested, and one of you doubts it would help
An affair, a betrayal, or a broken agreement that has not been resolved
Staying because of children, money, or a shared life that would be hard to unwind
Wondering whether what is left is enough, and not knowing how to find out
Wanting to know you understood the situation clearly before deciding either way
Ambivalence is not a character flaw or a sign of bad faith. It usually means two things are true at once — real attachment and real reasons to go.
A process built for
exactly this.
Discernment Counseling was developed for couples in this position. It is short, structured, and decided one session at a time. The consultation is where you find out whether it fits.
Discernment Counseling
One to five sessions to understand what happened and decide on a direction — not to fix the relationship, but to work out whether the two of you want to try. Dr. Lenger is certified in the model through the Doherty Relationship Institute.
Learn more → If you both want to tryCouples Therapy
Weekly, evidence-based sessions over several months. The right next step once you are both actually pointed the same direction, rather than one of you agreeing to something open-ended.
Learn more → IndividualIndividual Therapy
Sometimes one person needs their own space to think, separate from the couple work — particularly when the questions about the relationship are tangled up with questions about themselves.
Learn more →Questions couples
usually ask.
Are you going to try to talk us into staying together?
No. Staying together is not the measure of success here, and neither is separating. Both partners get treated as reasonable people with real reasons for where they have landed. What happens next is yours to decide.
One of us is only here because the other asked. Is that a problem?
It is very common, and worth saying out loud in the first session. Coming in reluctantly is different from coming in dishonestly. What matters is that nobody is pretending to want something they do not.
We tried couples therapy before and it did not help.
That is worth talking about early. Sometimes the fit was wrong, sometimes the timing was, and sometimes therapy was aimed at the relationship when one of you had not decided whether you wanted one. Knowing what did not work last time is useful information.
What if we decide to separate?
That is a legitimate outcome, and how you get there matters — particularly with children involved. Couples who reach that decision with a clear sense of why tend to have an easier time afterward than couples who arrive there through attrition.
When is this not the right fit?
If one of you has already firmly decided to end the relationship, there is nothing left to work out, and a different kind of support will serve you better. The same is true when one partner is being pressured into attending, or where there is ongoing abuse or intimidation. The consultation is where that gets sorted out, including a referral if this is not the right setting.
What are your fees and do you take insurance?
Fee information is on the Investment page. Relationship Health Collective is out of network with insurance. A superbill can be provided upon request for potential out-of-network reimbursement, depending on your plan. Payment is accepted via credit card and HSA/FSA accounts.
Ready to get
started?
Schedule a free 15-minute consultation to find out if working together is a good fit.
Book a Free Consultation